Random Moments With the Cullens
by RulerOfAllThingsTwilight
Summary: Pretty much what the title says. Funny! FOR LYSSA! HAVE A SUPER HAPY 13th B-DAY! WE ALL LOVE YOU- FROM YOUR BFFS
1. Chapter 1

Random Monents with the Cullens

HAPPY 13TH LYSSA THIS IS FOR YOU, YOU'RE THE BEST FRIEND IN THE WORLD

Hey, everybody!" Emmett screamed. "I created a Time Machine!"

"That's nice, honey." Rosalie patted him on the shoulder, and walked out of the room.

"EDWARD!" Emmett screamed like a schoolgirl. "EDWARD! COME DOWN AND SEE MY SUPER AMAZING TIME MACHINE!"

"No." Edward said.

"Bella, come play with me in my time machine."

"Ok, Emmett." She walked behind in to the time machine, which was a refrigerator box in the middle of the living room.

"Come, get in, Bella. We're going to go see the Civil War!" Emmett motioned for her to get in. She shook her head.

"Ummmm…. I think it's too small. Sorry, bye." Bella ran away.

"Oh, fine." He slumped down in his time machine. "I guess I'll have to go alone."

6 HOURS LATER

"Stupid Confederates!" Emmett yelled joyfully from his time machine, just as Jasper was walking by.

Angered by this, Jasper went over and pulled Emmett from the box, throwing him across the room. And then preceded to take a pitchfork he had in his back pocket to the box.

Emmett's lip quivered. "My time machine…."

After Jasper finished destroying the box, he turned. "Don't mess with the emo kid."


	2. Chapter 2

Alice was out picking up cereal for Bella's breakfast. She made her way to the isle and observed her chooses. 'Trix', 'Coco Puffs', 'Cheerios', or 'Boo berry' were the labels on the shelves.

"Mmmm…." Alice was thoughtful then it caught her eye.

"_Prize inside!"_ The Coco Puffs box read.

Alice almost screamed with anticipation, she had of vision of the wonder that lay in the box within.

She took the cereal and ran to the check out, at of course un-human speeds. Alice didn't have time to wait so she ran to the counter, dropped a fifty-dollar bill and continued to run.

Alice burst though the door of the Cullen house almost breaking the door off the hinges.

"BELLA!" She screamed loud enough that anyone in the tri-state area could hear her.

"What?!" Bella had her hands on her hips. "You don't need to scream, I'm right here!"

"I need your help, please." Alice gave Bella her puppy dogface.

"With wh-." Alice, who dragged her to the kitchen table, cut off Bella.

"I need you to eat this so I can get the prize!" Alice exclaimed.

"You know you could just pull the prize out?" Bella tried to reason with Alice.

"No! Now eat!" She threw a spoonful into her mouth.

"Alice," Jasper tapped Alice shyly on the back.

"Yeah, honey?" She smiled.

"Will this prize make me less emo?" Jasper looked down at his feet, all depressed and stuff.

"Of course it will it's a -."


	3. Chapter 3

Hey, Bella, there's something I wanted to tell you." Edward stared into Bella's eyes, then reached for his pocket.

"What, my love? Who would never cheat on me with anyone." She smiled.

"Right, about that…" He looked nervous. "I think it's better I tell you in song."

He pulled out a crumpled piece of notebook paper with this beautiful writing on it. He cleared his throat, and began to sing.

(AN: This is to the song: 'I Kissed a Girl' by Katy Perry)

"_I kissed a wolf and I liked it_

_Taste of his musty, camp scent_

_I kissed a wolf just to try it_

_I'm sure Carlisle won't like it_

_It taste so wrong_

_It taste so right_

_I think I'm in love tonight_

_I kissed a wolf and I liked it_

_I liked it_"

"Huh?" Bella looked completely confused. "Who did you kiss?"

"We'll I haven't finished writing the whole song, but I got the second verse done, so here it is."

He cleared his throat again, and began once more.

"_Yes, Bella thinks I'm insane_

_Does it really matter_

'_Cause I went ahead and made out with Jake_

_What does it matter"_

Bella slapped him across the face and kissed him. "Isn't wolves so much fun?"

"Yup!"

The two proceeded to make


	4. Chapter 4

The telephone rang loudly, it's sound crossed the house and ended up in Rosalie's eardrum.

She sighed, knowing she was completely too sexy to pick the phone, and answered it.

"Hey, Lady." A very high voice yelled.

"Edward, if you're going to prank call people, can you actually get other people to prank call besides your own family. You're so pathetic."

"No, you're pathetic."

"Edward, hang up."

"Fine, I'll hang up, but you have to promise to call me right back ok?"

"Fine." Rosalie heard a click. Then she redialed Edward's number and held the phone up to her ear.

"_Never gonna give you up. Never let you down. Never turn around an desert you."_

"Carlisle! Edward just Rick Rolled me!"


	5. Chapter 5

"Hi, Edward!" Emmett waved wildly to Edward.

"Hi, Emmett." Edward waved slightly.

"Edward, so I was thinking…I think we should become super heroes."

"And what made you think we would be good super heroes, Emmett?"

"We'll we're all gorgeous and we've all got powers. Come on, Edward. I already thought of names for us." He begged Edward to give in.

"What kind of names did you come up with?" Edward raised an eyebrow towards him.

"Well, Carlisle would be V Doc."

"When did we decide Carlisle was becoming a rapper? No, Emmett that's stupid. Someone might think he's going be laying down some serious beats, not saving lives."

"Ok, ok…Esme would be Free Fall." Emmett smiled at his choice.

"That's just mean…what am I? Influenza boy?" Edward crossed his arms.

Emmett sighed. "Ok, so maybe that one was a little mean. I got better. Rosalie would be Sexy Babe."

"Emmett, I am not calling Rosalie 'Sexy Babe'." Edward stuttered at the thought.

"Fine, Alice would be Sightseer. Cool, huh?"

"No." Edward shook his head. "That's stupid. She sounds like a tourist."

"Jasper would be…The Stupid Confederate." Jasper appeared and smacked Emmett in the back of the head.

"Thank you, Jasper." Edward nodded to Jasper as he left the room.

"I would be Super Emmett!" He proudly declared with a smile across his face.

"Super Emmett is going to get punched in the face in about four seconds." Edward made a move to leave.

"You're going. You haven't even heard you name."

"Considering the rest. I don't want to hear it. Goodbye." Edward was about to, but Emmett grabbed his arm.

"Oh come on. You would be Spedward." He laughed as he said it.

"You know what. I would have liked Influenza Boy better." Edward left the room.


	6. Chapter 6

Emmett typed quickly on the keys on the computer. He clicked and looked around searching for a card, a credit card to be exact. After stealing Carlisle's credit card recently, he decided to take someone who doesn't use their credit card, thus she wouldn't miss it.

The card read, 'Esme Cullen'. She never really left the house, so she never used her credit card. She wouldn't know.

Emmett looked at items that were on the screen. That's when Edward appeared, both to stop Emmett from doing something stupid and to party with Jasper for no reason. They just decided yesterday, that today was a good party day.

"Emmett, what are you doing now?" Edward put his hands on his hips.

"Edward, stop that!" Alice yelled from the stairs.

"What?" Edward pressed his hands tighter into his hips.

"Get your hands off of your hips! It makes you look like a girl!" Alice ran over and pulled his hands away from his body.

"Seriously, Edwarda, you really need to start acting like a guy! First off, stop having hissy fits over everything. It's not manly. Two, when Emmett says we should do something stupid, punch him in the face. It's much more manly. And three, stop using Rosalie's perfume. You smell like pansies."

"But I like pansies. And Bella thinks I smell good."

Alice rolled her eyes at him. "She also thinks Emmett smells good. And he smells like cardboard."

"Hey, just because I hang out at Fed-Ex with Jasper, doesn't mean you have to make fun of me for it!" Emmett tried to defend himself. "It's our super secret hide out for our super secret club, that girls and Edward can't join. So, ha!" He stuck his tongue out at her.

"You and Jasper are at Fed-Ex all the time because you're trying to figure out how you two can ship yourselves to China to play with panda bears."

"How did you know?" Emmett looked surprised. "Jasper spilled the beans didn't he? Darn him and his fabulous hair."

"One, what does his hair have to do with this? And two, he didn't tell me. I had a vision of the two of you rolling around and eating bamboo, which you both threw up, with pandas, so I just put two and two together and got China."

"Oh, so two plus two equals China. No wonder when I put six I got it wrong. OH MY GOSH! YOU CAN SEE THE FUTURE, ALICE?"

She nodded. "Emmett, I've always been able to see the future. Why are you so surprised?"

"I'm not I just felt like yelling something." Emmett turned back to the screen. He was on and was looking for some good deals on stuff to buy for his trip to China.

Edward put his hands on his hips once more. "Edward…" Alice growled as she drug him away to make a man out of him, whether he liked it or not.

Jasper walked into the room. "Emmett are you ready?"

"Yeah, I'm just ordering a Bill Gates biography, so that we can teach the pandas how to read. And then how to create a muti-billion dollar company! And then pandas will rule the world!"

"I have two words for you. Awe. Some."

The two readied themselves for the trip. The obtained the Bill Gates book and knew it was no or never. They went straight down to Fed-Ex express and boxed themselves in. Once they knew they were sealed up, they both waited for the pandas.


	7. Chapter 7

_Hello_." Jasper greeted whoever was on the phone. "_Yes._" He stress out his syllables and speaking very obnoxiously. "_No, you cannot ride my pony!_"

There was a pause. "_Because it's my pony!_ YOU KNOW WHAT, BELLA…shut up! Edward, your girlfriend is terribly annoying!"

"I can hear you!" Bella's voice rang through the phone.

"Jasper, I told you not to pick up the phone…you know today is the day my fan girls have their complete a totally shrine of meeting for me. Bella, gets very jealous for some reason." Edward reached for the phone. He was going to hang it up before she heard anything.

"I heard that already!" She yelled. "I told you that your fan girls are really-"

"Don't say it, Bella." Edward whispered into the phone. "They'll hear you….and even if they don't. They'll know. They know everything."

"Edward," Jasper called him. "Bella was trying to ride my pony." He pouted.

"Jasper, you don't even have a pony…and even if you did, you would probably kill it in the first week because you're thirsty or something. Or you and Emmett would have dropped a harp on its head and killed it. Or Alice would get jealous of the pony and kill it. Or you and Emmett would dress up like fairies and scar-"

"Edward, stop discouraging him." Carlisle walked down stairs. "You had a pony." He reminded him.

"Aww, yes…Carrots." Edward bit his lip; holding back imaginary tears. "He dead so young…"

Carlisle looked around as if embarrassed. "Edward, you ate him about fourteen hours after you got him."

Edward looked heartbroken. "You told me he ran away. WHY WOULD YOU LIE?"

"Umm…well, yes. But what was I supposed to say. 'Edward, I'm sorry, but the pony you grew to love over the past fourteen hours has been killed by…you.'. I always assumed you just read my mind and knew what happened." He shrugged.

"EDWARD ANTHONY MASEN CULLEN!" His fan girls shouted from the living room. "WHERE ARE YOU EDDIE-TEDDY?"

"Someone shoot me, if they ever use that name again." Edward grumbled. As much as he enjoyed the adoring fans, the names they gave him were hardly desirable.

"That wouldn't do anything." Jasper pointed out. "But we could cut you up into small pieces and burn you, if they say it again."

"Good idea." He nodded, accepting the idea. There some fan girls screams going through the house. "Oh god. I wish I could get rid of some of them.…"

"I can help with that." Jasper licked his lips. "We can play Twister!"

"Jasper, how will that help?" Edward raised an eyebrow.

"Well, since we're vampires, we'll probably end up crushing half of them as we try to bend around them. It will be fun…and I can eat them." He added quietly.

Edward stood wide-eyed.

"You know how I got rid of my fan girls?" Jacob walked in the door. Edward looked quickly around confused at his sudden apperance. "I'm Harry Potter, remember?"

"Oh." Edward, Jasper and Carlisle responded.

"Anyway…I got them hooked on someone else. All of my fan girls are now J. Jenkin's fan girls." Jacob explained.


End file.
